Monday, March 2, 2009

The Flaming Baby Scale!

Flaming Baby! Flaming Baby!

That's going to be the unit of measure, replacing the ubiquitous 'star', established here at Utahdog! World Headquarters as the scale for my little %#$, Gainesville Bike Shop Survey. Stars are dull, dollar signs are trite, and neither offers the opportunity for copywrite infringement that this little jewel does. So, consider the bike shop grade scale hereby established: 1-5 Flaming Babies.

If you are the pinnacle of bike-flitz-dreaming, FICO Score-crushing-uncontrollable-credit-abusing, gotta-sell-my-kidneys-on-Craigslist-to-BUYBUYBUY Bike Shop, then congrats, you BBQ'd 5 babies. Smoke Up!

Suck? Bleak? DOA? Tomorrow the doors are locked because the Bank says so? Then 1 lowly fried infant for you , and no more! Revamp your meek and meager ways, or follow the Chrysler path toward Federal Bailout Dollars. May you rot a thousand lifetimes selling recumbent bikes to the chubby Rush Limbaughs of the world.

2-4 Crispy kids? Get to're slipping.
Shops will be rated on a combination of general product presentation and merchandising, available product and selection, courteous staff, bicycle brand representation, and general Fuzzy Feeling Factor. Whole numbers only. No half babies will be awarded...I mean seriously people, splitting babies is just cruel.
Tomorrow...first stop. Spin Cycle

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