Thursday, March 12, 2009

Get to Know Your Author!? What about your Neighbor?

There's just not enough personal interaction in the world anymore. Folks are sitting in their homes, locked up tight in the dark of night, Tweeting at one another, or Facebooking, or otherwise creating and engaging in technologies whose lone purpose is to supplant face to face communication, and which also requires the creation of nonsensical verbs such as "Tweeting" and "Facebooking". Just look at yourselves! Here you are, haplessly reading my blog, the both of you, when the three of us could be off someplace having a few beers and watching the boob-tube instead! WOOYEEE!
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Quite honestly, I'm getting a bit fed up with it all! I mean, I don't much like people, and I long for the opportunity to move to a secluded and lonesome part of the country such that I can rot away in silence, only communicating with others when and as I see fit. Frankly, I'm feeling a little envious of the Tweeters and Facebookers and their ability to only participate in the world at their leisure. So I've decided maximize my web exposure and to post up a poll to measure the potential interest out there, in me and my various pass times, in the hope of determining the viability of becoming a Tweeter myself. If all goes well, I'll get to shut off my cell phone service, stop 'talking' to any of you, and quit shaving. Ultimately, my goal would be to slink away, maybe into an abandoned hunk of office furniture, and unspectacularly pass into oblivion. A "New York Style Death" as Billy Crystal says, like my little buddy here...

Of course, I would Tweetificate from the cold drawer before my passing, relaying to anyone still paying even the least bit of attention, on how it feels to be trapped in an abandoned hunk of office furniture. I could lament, to no one in particular, in a generic and non targeted text message posted listlessly on the Internet, that I would in fact prefer to share those few beers that I didn't get to drink, with a couple of people that I didn't get to meet. Wouldn't that technology be wonderful?
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Just look at those emotionally charged poll options! I'm a modern Renaissance man, I tell you!! Imagine...A Tweet here to the blog, with something succinct in it like, "Just plugged my gut-vent with cashews. Now large Blue Jays are circling me. I'm getting worried." That would be entertaining...and I could claim to be doing something to really make a contribution to the world! Surely this would make for a better and brighter future for myself, and all of us, than if we actually engaged one another face to face. Just think!...to be able to give up on the humanity of one on one interaction and to instead focus on the myopic documentation of even the most trivial of my daily activities. I mean really, isn't that a better way to piss off your life, than say, embracing the chance to meet new and different people? Tackling every new day and challenge as if it were you last? Regardless of the perils and pitfalls? Right? Why talk to each other in person? Why take the risk? Why become like my other little friend here...

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Then again...maybe I'm over-analyzing this... I mean, both options DO wind up in the company of the same inevitability.
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Now, if you'll excuse me, it's a beautiful spring day, and I've got a little girl to hug, a tasty beer to enjoy, and a 17 year old derailleur to clean. Vote early and often!

EDIT!

OK, I'll come clean...this self absorbed rant is just a lame excuse to allow me to post up some funny pictures of dead cats.

2 comments:

Steve said...

I am terrified on so many levels.

Utahdog! said...

I aim to please.