Yup...Fixie Culture is dead.
Don't let any skinny-jean wearing black-haired heroine waifs on rattle can pink Schwinn Varsities tell you any different. When old farts in Palatka start advertising on Craigs List offering bicycle painting services, and their example photos are of your typical nonfunctional fixie crap, you KNOW it's over. Fixie culture in Palatka?!? Sorry Hipsters...time to find a new groove.
Don't let anyone, even Mountain Goat Bicycles, tell you that orange and pea green match. The only time these colors should ever be together is when you have your eyes baked out of your skull on the weed, and wind up eating an entire bag of Cheetos to kick your munchie demons. Check you fingertips after THAT little binge!
Even BIG Fujis are piles of crap, no matter what the paint looks like. Who's ride is it anyway? Shaquille O'Neal's!? Look at the SIZE of that POS!
This sack of crap has Brakes? What happened to slagging your Adidas Sambas over the rear wheel and breaking your collar bone in the ensuing ass-over-teacup collision? Brakes are SO Baby-Boomer...
Cultural Shift prediction... British Invasion Digi-Punk dance music sweeps the nation. Wait...you mean that's already happened? Where the hell was I?...Does Duran Duran know about this!?!?